On this auspicious day, 26 years ago, a demon child crawled forth from the womb and the world has never been the same. Yes, today we acknowledge the birth of Jonathan Hawkins. 26 years old, and somehow still sporting some hair on his head, forcing some (myself included) to lose bets set years ago in high school.
Today is a day of reflection for Jon, at 26 he must realize that he is now much closer to 30 than 20 and that soon, the stable he keeps will be empty except for one lame pack mule that just won't leave. His days of fertility are dwindling. Viagra is the only thing that keeps his sad cock alive. Slowly the remaining hair on his head travels down his back toward his ass crack where it will find its final resting place. The bottle is his only solace, keeping his warm day and night. All he can do is look on with envy at his friends who have settled down and gotten married.
Yes this year doesn't look too good for Jon Hawkins. Happy birthday you jack ass, this is what you get for that speech you gave at my wedding :)
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4 comments:
hahahhahhaha
DENIM JACKETS you gotta bring them back!
LOL, nice Fisher! Happy Birthday Jonny!
Happy Birthday Jonny! Im going to need to hear the highlights of this speech.. Or should we never speak of it again?
three cheers for jonny! hip, hip, -who gives a fuck
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