A prequel to the Daft Punk Concert in Berkeley next month. Going to be insane

Party Bus!!

So all you bitches missed out, but the fuckin Party Bus was awesome. We started out a little weak with less people than last year, but we managed to pick up a bachelorette party of about 6 or 7 girls. It helped to restore the male/female balance and make for a more entertaining party. You guys should all make sure and plan on doing this next year. Rachel and I drove 1500 miles round trip and spent waaay more money than we wanted to, but it was totally worth it :)

Rocky Mountain Doubles

Just the sound along is like 2500 packages screaming "Aahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!"



Damn thats sick.. Watch it again!!

Why god invented the death penalty

Some crazy bitch got pissed off that her ex-boyfriend didn't want to bang her at a party and ripped his left ball off with her bare hands. Then she put it in her mouth and tried to swallow it before spitting it back out. WTF! You can read the whole story HERE.

skool suks

Had a big ass final today in Resource Management Law, like I care about the environment. School is such a bitch... for 3hrs per class a semester, the rest of the time it's quite nice, much better than work.

Photoshop Hawkins

Not very good at photoshop but here's what I could whip up quickly. This is Jonny, still working at Sony although now he's gone a little mental and wears a costume to work with a big "H" on his forehead for Hawkins (clever). Still trying to kindle some office romance, but since he hasn't had a promotion in 20yrs all the girls still ignore him. Notice how he calls picking up fat chicks "action!", still the same old jonny.


This second photo I just had to throw in as a real-life jonny. I don't think much will change from this photo and 20 yrs. Perhaps someone can use this to add a little extra padding and relocate some hair for him. I imagine in twenty years from now he'll probably be an amputee at the rate he's going, so lets lose a limb too.

CENSORED*

FUCK YOU JIB!!!

Photoshop Contest: Hawkins in 20 Years

CLICK ME

Continuing the celebration of Hawkins's Birthday, I challenge you all to portray Hawkins in 20 years at the ripe age of 46.

REDACTED

Donk

Happy Birthday Hawkins

On this auspicious day, 26 years ago, a demon child crawled forth from the womb and the world has never been the same. Yes, today we acknowledge the birth of Jonathan Hawkins. 26 years old, and somehow still sporting some hair on his head, forcing some (myself included) to lose bets set years ago in high school.

Today is a day of reflection for Jon, at 26 he must realize that he is now much closer to 30 than 20 and that soon, the stable he keeps will be empty except for one lame pack mule that just won't leave. His days of fertility are dwindling. Viagra is the only thing that keeps his sad cock alive. Slowly the remaining hair on his head travels down his back toward his ass crack where it will find its final resting place. The bottle is his only solace, keeping his warm day and night. All he can do is look on with envy at his friends who have settled down and gotten married.

Yes this year doesn't look too good for Jon Hawkins. Happy birthday you jack ass, this is what you get for that speech you gave at my wedding :)

Captain Wafer on the High Seas

Good to see that you made it back to the states. I didn't think that boat was going to hold up, but I guess it was more seaworthy than it looked.

Any trouble with the Jump? And how did you feel for the following few hours, sleep at all on the plane? I do want you to know that the 'chili' dog we had on K rd was the last thing I ate for another 48 hrs. I went on a little hunger strike after you left, not sure why.

I did end up whoring myself out again the night you left. It was some girl's bday party so Alan and I decided to give ourselves out as party favours, you left one day too early.

I'll see you back in the states.

Anyone care to guess what Jib has in his mouth? :)

Stupidest thing I have seen in awhile

Kristen and I were looking for some place to eat dinner. We are going down Sunrise Blvd and are at the front of the line at a stoplight. On our left pulls up this huge SUV pumping out obnoxious amounts of bass. Kristen looked over and made some comment about 'stereotypical cali'. The SUV driver either took offense to this or just wanted to drag.

Here is where the stuff gets a little goofy. The dumb ass put HIS car (custom sound not a rental) into neutral and floors it. It was the most horrible sound I have ever heard coming from an engine. Loud squealing and grinding that comes from over revving a car. Thanks to my lack of socialization as to what revving your car means I did not even realize it was a challenge.

Good fucking thing too. SUV takes off like a bat out of hell squealing his tires. I have hardly crossed the white line when a siren goes off and a cop not 2 cars back comes into my lane and pulls the SUV over.

I would be willing to bet there was more going on than just speeding so they probably are not out on the streets today. And who said not being properly socialized never paid off. I so could have beat them off the line too :P

Moody and Mama's Fantastic Voyage...

Moody has some video of this I hope he posts but here is the text version of our trip home from Fish's wedding.

Get to San Antonio airport around 3:15. I remember the time because my flight was supposed to leave / board at 3:50. I was a little worried about not having enough time to get to the gate...

Both Moody and I had a short hop from San Antonio to Dallas then a connection home. Moody's flight to Dallas was an hour or so later than mine and I would have a longer layover and then we would both get on the same flight home to Sac.

Enter massive storm hitting Dallas creating vortexes on the runway making it impossible to take off or land. My flight gets delayed to all hell while Moody's gets canceled all together. Fist he books a flight the next morning because all flights were already canceled or would have left by the time he gets to Dallas.

I call up to find out how my connection looks and decide to take Moody 'under my wing' and put him on my flight. (Turns out I would end up needing his luck just as much as he needed my flight out of San Antone.)

As we get to the counter to get his new tickets printed out we find that our connection should be taking off 10 min before we land...but we shouldn't worry about that as there is a good chance the connection will get delayed as well. We decide to go for it.

But then Moody finds out that canceled flights don't get their baggage put onto new ones. They just threw the bags back out onto the baggage claim area and you have to re-check them. Jason runs back for his bag and calls me with news of a massive line of people having to do the same thing. We don't have much time and I'm not sure if he is going to make it. Next thing I now he is walking over to me with his bag sans all liquid items and a fingernail clipping case he liked (a gift idea for anybody trying to woo Moody perhaps?) His bag is big but should be able to pass for carry on.

Finally we are boarding our first plane of the day sometime after 6pm. (The plane had not taken off from Dallas to come pick us up until after we were supposed to have left.)

The plane backs up - I'm thinking to myself sweet we are about to take off at least. No such luck. Delayed 45 min. Time comes and goes and we get delayed another 45 min. Finally after over an hour and a half we get the go ahead to take off and fly the 3 hour drive by car to Dallas.

Upon landing we call only to find out our connecting flight has been canceled. Here is where Jason's luck came to save the day. He somehow gets told of a magical flight number 2037. I say magical because over 4-5 calls it has not once been mentioned. We called later asking if we could get put on standby and the operator didn't know it was still in the airport.

We rush to the gate and start to stand in line. We get told by other people there are 30 passengers on standby. We are not even on the list yet. More good news of all hotels in a 30 min radius are booked solid because of the storm. It wasn't looking good.

We watch name after name get called and put onto the plane. Jason and I have not moved in the line at all. Finally they run out of people already on standby and we slowly make our way to the front of the line thinking any second they are going to fill up. We were one of the last 5-8 that got on the plane. Taxi out and take off to sweet Sacramento.

And to finish the night a 20 dollar bill was just lying on the ground not ten feet from the car... oh and the next morning my power supply on my work computer fried right after the computer displayed the login screen.

Best part of the trip was getting to hang out with Moody and seeing how long we could stay 'drunkenly optimistic' even though no booze was involved it would have been nice.

Feed the Need

Fishman, any chance we could put up a little feed on the side that'll show the latest posts on our other blogs? That way we can just come here and see if you or hawkins or whomever have a new posting rather than going to each blog?

Also, having a kickass time in Auckland. Laith is getting jea'd like there's no tomorrow. But I think he is having post-partem depression from being away from UPS for so long. I try to tell him it'll be alright, but really the only cure is to pour whiskey down his throat and point out girls he needs to dance with.